Man is coming

It is some years now that I was not with a man. When I looked back, I discovered that I was from my nineteenth year all the time with men. I was with him seven years, than I was half a year single and was again six years with a man. That’s eleven years or something. After that I was two times married. Actually this time was the worst time for me for sex, I never had such bad sex and so rare, when I was married. But I had children then. And having sex was not the main occupation at this time.

I think that the problem of our relationships is the most “loaded” problem. Apart from the money problem And I have both of them.
What is with our relationships? If I look at myself… I have never ever a problem to get an interesting man, to be my relationship “prospect”. Some people have problems with talking or communicating, so they can’t even get a prospect.
You need to speak out! You need to tell another person that you like him, that you want to meet him. How can the other person ever know, if you don’t tell him /her? I never had a problem with that. My problem was, that I… not that I was with wrong people, I also can’t say that after all I knew. Since I was always used to fighting with words with my parents, I learned that this must be a “normal” way of communication between a couple.
I was so in love with all these men. But then I spoiled everything. When we were together I nattered, I was compaining, critisizing… And I got back, what I gave. Everything is vibration and if you are not on the same vibration with your
partner, it’s hard.
After I was betrayed and left alone by my last partner, I literally went through the “school”. I learned a lot from teachers who I was listening to through this period. Guess what – we people have the same problems! On the other side, I was all
time thinking that there is no one left for me, that I am not born to be with a man together. There was so much “weight” to it.
The best thing you can do is to higher your own vibration. You first take care of yourself, love yourself. And then everything will come to you. It came to me. But after I liked myself. I came on twitter in March 2012 or something. Because I
have my beautiful avatar picture, I attracted many potential relationship prospects.
I was looking at this… what is this… and soon I started to communicate with these people. One person from America was very offended, because I told him, after he was telling me how very beautiful I am on these twenty years old pictures,
that I love him. He blocked me from twitter!
I spoke with others and with Mark. I was with him three months and he was telling me he was coming to see me for vacation. But he didn’t come. When I look back now I can see, why it was like that. I mean… he didn’t have kids, he is from Europe, he didn’t have any obligations… he could easily come. But he didn’t come, because we were not on the same vibration.
I remember my panic, when he said that he would come. I didn’t have anything to wear. Literally. I was not together with a man for four years. It was like I never ever was with a man… I prepared my bag and was trying summer shoes rom my daughter. I was waiting whole days, that he would come online and that he would tell me that he is coming, when he is coming and so on. But he didn’t. He said that he changed his mind. I was sad. I stopped communicating with him.
When I think about that – this is good that he didn’t come. We were not ready. When one door is closed, five others open. After Mark I had another “affair” which lasted two weeks. But he was “safe” from Canada, so we could not possibly be together, he was too far away. And once he just unfollowed me…
And my last affair was with Michael. It started after New Year. For New Year, I was alone in the apartment, together with my mother. I didn’t go out anywhere, not even for a New Year celebration. I kept high spirit. I was positive and very general. I meditated in the morning and in the evening. I didn’t feel sorry for myself, because I was alone. I was happy that I am alone.
In one week I met Michael. Of course there was lots of pull and pushes. We also cut communication for some days. I guess we thought that it would be better for us. But it wasn’t. We had some drama… I said that he has to come here and stay for good with me and he said we have to discover ourselves step by step. I said… everything or nothing. So… he doesn’t even have to come, if just for few days – then no. He said… that he would never come if I don’t want him to come… I answered… of course I want you to come… only yesterday…
I always have to bring my horrible past with men, if I am in low vibration… but I am not long in low vibration. I am not sure if I want to be with Michael… how about ex, how about Tony, how about Max?
Then we were talking yesterday about how I am doing and I said that I feel bad, cause I didn’t feel good physically and that I think we will never be together, cause I will probably be with another man who’s name is showing sometimes…
Then I came from gym… I felt very good… We talked again… and he mentioned that he can come in one month to see me if I want…
And I………… of course I want!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was not in panic. It looked as a logical step… I actually like to have my house finished till then so, he doesn’t have to sleep in a hotel… but who cares… step by step…
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