Why is my child angry at me II.?

To my astonishment my second marriage ,which was at the beginning going well, also became an ugly thing after four common years. It starts like that… A couple is at the beginning in love and looks around for good things in each other. Then
children arrive. It becomes hard. People start to quarrel. Maybe there is a mother-in-law in vicinity who wants to “help”. It starts to go downhill. And then people just give up. I know lots of couples that divorced like that, before the children even went to school. Actually, I divorced two times like that…
In my second marriage my oldest daughter was a clear victim… Victim is of course not a good word, but I can’t find a better one. At the beginning her stepfather, my second husband, was nice to her as if she were his own daughter. But when his own kids came and especially when his second kid came it started to be hard, very hard for Iza (nickname of my oldest daughter). He wanted Iza to clean up after her little sister and brother. He never played with her anymore like before. He never gave her his attention like before when she was the only child in our relationship. He started to be rude.
Once he hit her on her face, for no reason at all. She was shocked. I was shocked. He didn’t even apologize. This was the point of no return. I just said to myself: “That’s it. I am going away from him.”

I was married to him for five years. At the end of 2005 I moved with my kids to Ljubljana, my hometown. I literally ran away from my husband. Iza was eleven, the little ones were four and three. I found places for the little ones in Kindergarten very quick. They didn’t have any problems with language. They just didn’t understand why they were not with their beloved father, but with my new partner. They didn’t see their father for more than three times in a year. My son had problems with talking at the beginning. He actually needed half a year to adapt from Austrian Kindergarten to Slovenian. He had problems with talking. He was talking in his own language, before he adapted to Slovenian language after four years. Kiki (my middle daughter) had no problems with adaptation at all.

Iza came together with us to Ljubljana for vacations on November the first in 2005. She said that she would return to Vienna and that she will come back for Christmas – New Year’s holidays and that she will then stay after that for good with us. She came for Christmas. Her father (my first husband) came to see her for New Year vacation. She changed her mind. She went back to Austria, although we were already prepared for her to go to school in Ljubljana and she spent one day with her class.

So.. she went back to Vienna to finish her school year. I didn’t see her for half a year! She was at her granny’s with who I didn’t speak at the time. So, I couldn’t call her on the phone. Her father never paid alimony, so I was angry at him and I didn’t want to talk to him. Iza sometimes called me… maybe three times in six months.

To make the six months a story short… I went to visit her in Vienna for Easter holidays with my then partner, but I got a phone call from a friend that I should not be going there, because she is not in

Vienna.

So, I waited another two months until school ended and I got a letter from an Austrian court that I have to take my child legally because otherwise they will take me as a kidnaper of my own child.

Me and my partner went to Vienna to court to get a process, where I saw, that Iza wrote, that I am very serious (not right word) parent and she would rather live at her father’s and Oma.

I was all the time very shocked cause I thought that they outplayed me. Actually the Austrian court has to do that because every child has to be officially registered somewhere. Iza had to be registered at her Oma’s = her Granny, so Granny was an official guardian for her. Nobody asked me anything. If I would take my child without due process from a court, I would be accused of kidnapping.

During due process the Judge repeated everything that he wrote me by post once more. I was just waiting for him to finish. At the end, he said that we have to come back one week before the new school year starts again. To see what Iza has

decided. If we don’t follow the court’s orders – it will again be a kidnaping.

As soon as we went away from court and we could speak without others, Iza was “normal”. At the beginning, she said two or three times, that she will come in September again back to school in Vienna. But then she saw her brother and sister and we went to Ljubljana, which is her second home or first (depends on where she is). After that she went to the seaside.

On 23rd of August 2006 we had another court session in Vienna. To my shock, I met my ex-mother in law (Iza’s Granny) at the court hall. So, I couldn’t hide or something (we hadn’t talk since my son was born). I start to talk to her and

then we went into the due process, where the judge asked Iza, what had she decided. She said that she wants to stay at my place in Ljubljana and she doesn’t want to continue her school in Vienna. The Judge couldn’t believe her words. He asked her again and again to think it over, but she was firm.

I also didn’t expect that she would be so certain.

When we came home, we found out that this was the day where Natasha Kampusch liberated herself from her kidnapper. Natasha whose pictures we saw all over Vienna in parks and all over and

where I felt so much with her mother who didn’t give up searching for her… It was very symbolical in a way. I had now all my kids at my place. And I was happy.

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