Tagane Objave ‘ about me’

When you give up…

Torek, September 11th, 2012

Something strange is going on these days… Yes, it’s already fifth year, that I am single and I started to enjoy being single. And yes, I have offers from different men every day.

What can I do with a man, who is living at the other side of the ocean? Every day I have offers from man and first I was thinking I will remove my twenty and something old picture from twitter. Than I just didn’t bothered anymore. Of course I still have to explain that these are my old pictures and I don’t look like that anymore.

How do I look? How does a 50 years woman who is living just for her kids and who has no work looks? I am actually not very fat and I just gave up thinking that I will ever loose weight again. Last few months I ate just fruits and bread and something on. I don’t eat meat at all. But my body didn’t change very much… (več …)

  • Share/Bookmark

Despair

Torek, September 11th, 2012

I lot of times I am in despair… I have suicidal thoughts. I have no work, I have no money for my kids… I didn’t have so long any beloved in my bed that I tell I serioulsy doubt that I will ever sleep with a man in this lifetime. If I would not have kids I would be away already long ago. So… I am in this “hole” and I can’t climb out of it. I am in a “prison” which I built it for myself. I don’t go anywhere, I am addicted on internet. I have lots of admireres, who are looking at my old pictures. I am not like that – I don’t look like on these old pictures of mine. I am desperated. Before…

I was hoping that I will be with a man together, not with my mother like now… But then years went by and situation didn’t change, just my kids were older. I actually now am not thinking to be together with a man, I am afraid of men, I would not be together with anybody anymore, since I have so much fear from men. They died, dissapeared or left me alone with their kids for what they never payed for.

I am playing a victim, I know it, I say it openly but it doesn’t help me.

So… since I can’t kill myself and I have to live because of my kids… I was thinking if I can get any help from the Universe, since all men and all friends forget me. But Universe also doesn’t help. I am… I am sure that God knows for all my wishes and prayers. but since I am in despair I can’t get what he is sending me.

This is a viscious circle… I just don’t want to be next ten years in such a state…

  • Share/Bookmark

Resistance

Torek, September 11th, 2012

Resistance is something where… you really want to do something but at the same time you are prevented to do something. For example… my friend, who I have “an affair” on the internet said to me, that he wants to come to see me. And this was the second time or the third time that he said so. So, there are really no excuses for me, that I can’t get attention from the man’s side. And this happened to me already in August – nine months ago with the other man. All these man were brought to me by my twenty year old pictures on twitter. And I actually have compliments every day from men about how beautiful I am. I mean… I have heard this lots of time.

The problem is… these are my old pictures. In this time I still lived. I don’t live anymore now. Yes, I am alive. Yes, I have a body. I am so and so old, my body is in good shape, but my state of mind is not. I am frozen in time since my last man left me. I kind of promised myself: No men anymore, they can really hurt you badly, Dajana. I mean… what I am doing… I am having these pictures of my young and beautiful me, men get easily turned on, even want to come to see me… and me? You have no idea… I only get 2000 euros a year for me and for my kids. I don’t even get alimony for my kids. The most important thing for me are my kids. Because I have to pay for judo and football, I didn’t put this year my son on training. My very talented eleven year old is not going to dance classes. How can I pay for it? The kids would not even get lunch at school if they did not get it paid from a special school fund. (več …)

  • Share/Bookmark

I know what it’s like to love mother and to hate mother

Torek, September 11th, 2012
This is the main problem of my life. My relationship with my mother. I’ve told you already how I loved her as a child and how she never ever showed any affection to me, just in the night when I kind of forced it from her. I didn’t
speak to her about other things… My relationship with my mother as a child was like that. She showed affection just to my sister, cause my sister was “easy going” and wasn’t “closed” like me. My sister went to everybody who wanted to hug her and caress her. We weren’t so strange in touching children then like now, when everybody is afraid to touch a child. She let herself be touched and hugged. But not me. I was always “closed”, I didn’t let anyone in my space and I observed everything from a distance with my wrinkled forehead. I have over-analysed everything from my childhood on. I have been like that. Always. I didn’t allow people to touch or kiss me. But they did that, since we had lots of visitors, lots of friends and family and everyone wanted to touch me and my sister cause we were so cute. And when they did that, I felt like dirty, almost raped. I don’t remember anyone who I would let kiss me, except my sister and my mother. And my father sometimes… (več …)
  • Share/Bookmark

What brought me internet?

Torek, September 11th, 2012
What did the internet bring me? If there was no internet, I would still live in Vienna, together with my aggressive husband… Or maybe I would not be alive anymore? I got the internet in the 2002, while I was living in Vienna together with my husbands and my three kids. I always wanted the internet, but I didn’t get it before. As soon as I got it, everything changed for me… In one year I was back in Ljubljana. I would never ever have found a person who would “save” me from this situation if there was no internet. If there was no internet, there would not be my blog. I have at least three books on my blog in Slovenian and one book in English.
If there was no internet, I would never meet so many writers, poets and other amazing people from all over the world on twitter? For me… there is life before twitter and after twitter, likewise… before internet and after internet.
Today I was thinking what would my life look like if there were no internet? Much quieter. I met so many fantastic people, I learned so much from teachers on youtube, I’ve written so many stories on my blog, I’ve seen so many beautiful
photos, I’ve read so many beautiful words… If What did the internet bring me?
If there was no internet, I would read books and do something else. Write my book on a typewriter…
  • Share/Bookmark

Man is coming

Torek, September 11th, 2012

It is some years now that I was not with a man. When I looked back, I discovered that I was from my nineteenth year all the time with men. I was with him seven years, than I was half a year single and was again six years with a man. That’s eleven years or something. After that I was two times married. Actually this time was the worst time for me for sex, I never had such bad sex and so rare, when I was married. But I had children then. And having sex was not the main occupation at this time.

I think that the problem of our relationships is the most “loaded” problem. Apart from the money problem And I have both of them. (več …)
  • Share/Bookmark

It started in 1994

Torek, September 11th, 2012
When I conceived my first child and I married in 1994, I was in a special state of mind. This was a really crazy year for me. It really was like somebody had me on strings, I was just going in front my future like a bulldozer. I wanted to have a child with this person at any price. I knew intuitively that this person was not good for me, but I didn’t care. My biological clock ticked, I was like unconscious… like an alpha animal taking care of itself. In the previous year I broke up with my long-term boyfriend. I reacted as a person who knew exactly what she has to do and would do it at any cost.
Actually this year was a very nice for me. It started to go downhill when I came with my child who was born in Ljubljana to live with my husband who lived in Vienna. For some months we lived in peace. Then it started. I think that we quarrelled for the first time when I didn’t want to go to his mother’s for dinner. He started to push his mother between us and child to avoid his responsibilities as a father of our child. I understood now why, he was raised like that, he was incredibly spoiled. (več …)
  • Share/Bookmark

Property, money and patterns of poverty

Torek, September 11th, 2012
I was born into a good – standing family. My father and mother – both were working. My father was educating himself all my childhood so he would achieve a higher rank officer which of course meant also good salary. We always went to the seaside in summer, we didn’t have nice clothes, but then nobody at that time had it. And we had lots to eat, in case you forget. We got a first TV – black and white around my seventh birthday or something. We had a telephone long before others because my father was a commander of a military barrack and need to be available all the time. I also remember soldiers ringing at our door, because lots of times he had an “emergency” situation.
Since I was born into abundance I never ever understood why it would be otherwise, it was normal for me to have all these thing. We were the first family to have a big modern car – an “audi 80”, this was our third car. And we were going every year to meet our family from the South. We brought them presents. Our family in the South were much poorer than we were. But they were much “healthier” in behaviour. I never heard any mother “down South” talking bad about their kids. (več …)
  • Share/Bookmark

She

Torek, September 11th, 2012
She is a bit more than seventy years old. She has grey hair, a frightened look and is a bit hunchbacked. She is thin. When you see such a person like she is, you have a feeling that she is constantly afraid of something. She is not standing
in the middle of the room, but hiding somewhere in the edge of the room or behind the door. In summer, you can smell her. She stinks, although she washes herself every day. She is dressed horribly. Always something that she got from other people who were already old, or two little or too big… She never wears new clothes or something bought for her. Whenever I saw her before, she was quiet, but always like a grey mouse… invisible. She was there, but nobody saw her. When she was twenty years old, she was very beautiful. She had a boyfriend from her village. He was all over her and wanted to persuade her to come with him abroad, cross the Atlantic into Canada. I don’t know why she didn’t go. Maybe she was afraid to leave her beloved father and mother, her sisters and her country. Or maybe there was already her future man around… In any case, her suitor went to Canada and married another girl there. (več …)
  • Share/Bookmark

Love on distance

Torek, September 11th, 2012
I have contact with a man on the internet that feels so close to me. Although I’ve never seen him. He lives almost 1700 km away. Funny but I never felt sad because of that… you know, when you just want to go to see this person. An impulse. He feels at home for me. But I am so careful. It happened to me already that I had an internet romance. And my heart was broken after that. Every love seems totally anew every time. And it feels big. You just know it when it is there. Better… you know it exactly when you cut the communication. It was hurting so much, that we renewed it after three days. These three days were like three years.
We don’t say a lot. And we are not on the internet all the time. Just a few mails in a day. I always ask him something, and he gives me the perfect answer. I am not building any future on that. I know that it would be sweet if he was here nearer to me for real, but I am not pressuring it. I just dream sweetly.
  • Share/Bookmark

Fitness after you are fifty – it just starts then!

Torek, September 11th, 2012
In  my thirties, very occupied with sports. With my then boyfriend I was cycling, jogging everyday and practising gymnastic. Then I lived in Vienna and I had a child. After the child was two years old I started to go to fitness every day. Sometimes I was three hours there. My mother-in-law bought me a year ticket.
So… I was really really fit and loved my body because of it very much. First I was going walking and running and then I went to sauna. In the meantime I divorced my first husband and I got a second one. I soon became pregnant with a second and third child and I was pregnant a fourth time. I was so overwhelmed with kids, that I can’t possibly explain. Soon I became fat, I didn’t have any time for myself. It was very hard till the kids went to kindergarten. Believe me – this goes soo quick! (več …)
  • Share/Bookmark

How to get rid of Oliver

Torek, September 11th, 2012
I was a Muse to my boyfriend who made all my pictures in the beginning of 1990. My life was full of praising my beauty. But I felt kind of empty and boring. I wanted more from life. We were for five years together or something.
In between I went to Vienna to study scientology. My boyfriend Oliver didn’t understand what I wanted there. He was against me being there and was making such a drama, when I went there. My heart was falling apart from saddness, but I had a feeling that I have to go. It was kind of “calling”. I was also disappointed when I arrived in Vienna  and it was not like I had in my head. (več …)
  • Share/Bookmark

My mother, food and noise

Torek, September 11th, 2012

My mother was obsessed with making food, thinking what we will have for lunch, thinking about buying food and preparing it. Whenever I think about my mother – there she is in the kitchen cooking something and at the same time talking on the phone with her family or her friends.

Needless to say that I hated that. I was never hungry and all this food talking was for me something totally unnecessary. I also couldn’t stand “small talk” which was always in our house… who married somebody, how is somebody doing and so on. I was bored to death with my mother’s talk but till my tenth birthday I thought that it has to be like that. Then I slightly understood that my mother and father were not bright enough. Not that they were stupid. They just didn’t have the same problems as I had. They never asked themselves why we are here. I asked myself these questions when I was already very young. My parents were like other people that I found terribly boring. I was very sad since I wanted them to be clever and brilliant. After all – they were my parents. That’s why they were special. But they weren’t… That’s how I explained to myself, why they are always talking about things that were not important. They were talking a lot. Our flat was always full of people, especially in the evening. But they didn’t talk about something important… just about food and gossiping, which so tired me. I found out soon that I will never learn anything from them and that they will never be able to answer my problems. (več …)
  • Share/Bookmark

Love with words on internet

Torek, September 11th, 2012
There are lots of people who use social media for connecting with other people. I mean… to “get” a relationship. I don’t know about Facebook, but I know about Twitter… I found my last boyfriend on the internet in the year 2005. We didn’t see each other, but we loved each other already with our words. We were typing like crazy for whole days long on the internet. I completely forgot about my husband and my three kids around me. I mean… I didn’t neglect them, but all my free time I spent on the computer. I was like electrified , I was in love, I was crazy in love, I was on adrenalin… there was my passion, inside the computer. Since he was an internet profi, he “built” a chat room just for us. So we were talking eeee I want to say typing all the time. Especially when the kids were in Kindergarten or in school. (več …)
  • Share/Bookmark

My double life on internet

Torek, September 11th, 2012
I been writing my blog since may 2006 and I always got lot of attention and my blog was always between the most clicked in Slovenia. At the start of 2012 I came on twitter. I really wanted to join two years before on twitter, but somehow I never managed to register.
I needed two days, when I found out that I had nothing in common with Slovenian twitterers, who only ever speak about politics on twitter. The same as on blogs and everywhere. So… I started to write in English. This was such a breakthrough for me.
Such a liberation. Suddenly the whole world was mine! (več …)
  • Share/Bookmark

From prison to vortex

Torek, September 11th, 2012

I was in a self – inflicted prison since I returned to my mother’s flat. For four years I didn’t go anywhere. I didn’t go anywhere for my four birthdays, nor for four New Years, neither for four summer vacations. The first year I actually had double the amount of money than I have now. Then I was gradually loosing money until two years ago my ex husband stopped paying his alimony.

I was all the time on the computer. Sometimes the computer broke down. So I read books. And started writing my own books, which I never finished and never published. Everything is just there, open, not concluded. This was a period when I actually persuaded myself that my life is over and I live just because I have to be here because of my kids. (več …)
  • Share/Bookmark

This bittersweet love

Torek, September 11th, 2012

I had some relationships in my life, which were abusive, but not all of them and not all the time, of course. When I was sixteen, my boyfriend died. So… I had a hard time to understand what is going on, what is love and why is this happening to me. I also found out that I took all what was wrong on myself. When my husband stopped to talk to me, I was thinking that something is wrong with me. When my men didn’t pay ailments, I said to myself that this is because I am bad and I don’t deserve money.

More than four years ago I had last relationship and somehow I decided that I will not be together with a man anymore. Soon then I came on twitter, I found out that there are here lots of nice men, who were telling me sweet words. They are telling sweet words also to othe women. I saw sometimes. So… it looks like love never dies, it’s always present. It depends on us where we find it. And we can find love everywhere. (več …)

  • Share/Bookmark

My pictures

Torek, September 11th, 2012
End of the eighties I met a very talented photographer, painter, musician and writer, who became my boyfriend. We made lots of photos together. He drew some portraits of me, my sisters and friends. I was his muse. I did pictures of him too, I just didn’t take so many pictures… He was very good at creating. He painted one picture a day just like that – for fun or for relaxation. Just kike I write one blog a day now. Actually… all what he did was… he just “throw
everything out of his sleeves” and never considered that it had any value. He did it for fun and that he would not be bored. He was studying something like metallurgy, which was a far cry from what he really was. His father was a very authoritarian figure. He was a medical doctor and he said once that his pictures are for an insane asylum… for crazy people. His mother died, when he was very little. So… I was playing
kind of a mother role for him. (več …)
  • Share/Bookmark

Hell

Torek, September 11th, 2012

I was left alone with my partner, who married another woman in one month after he went from our flat. I can’t tell you how much I suffered. I was literally in hell. I was without money, without a job, left alone, I was with 3 kids alone in a flat where I couldn’t pay a rent. There I was six months and in this time I somehow survived and pay for that flat. But then the owner of the flat came and said that I have to go out of the flat in 24 hours. I didn’t have where to go. I mean… In this town I had my mother and my sister, but since we didn’t have good relations, I didn’t want to live there. My mother had a big flat where she lives alone since my fathers’ death 15 years ago.  I actually was thinkig to live at my mothers already three years before (after I moved from Vienna to Ljubljana)… I just asked her once. And since she reacted very unkindly, I understood, that there is no chance to live at her place.
I mean… I didn’t want to live there either, I just was looking for a short stay. (več …)

  • Share/Bookmark

My body is created to get children

Torek, September 11th, 2012

When I was in the middle of my twenties, I had two abortions. This was devastating for me. I actually didn’t want children when I was in my twenties, although I had a good boyfriend, who I was a long time with – seven years. But my inner voice was telling me that this is not the right man for me. To tell you about my abortions… I had sex with Matevž (nickname for my first regular boyfriend) during the menstruation and he said, that “nothing” would happen. It happened first time and it happened the second time. The same! It was always winter and it was always this…

I went to the gynaecologist, because I didn’t get my period and he said: “You are pregnant”. I answered: “Not possible”. He said: “You are, you want to keep a child” (več …)

  • Share/Bookmark

My body and being naked II.

Torek, September 11th, 2012
I started menstruation when I was fourteen. All the other girls from my class already had it. We had a kind of “sexual class” in a school where one teacher explained about when girls get their period and how a child is conceived. We all already knew about it. I remember, how the girls didn’t believe me, that I didn’t have a period. As it was like… everybody has to get it at the same time!? I was different. I had the biggest breasts and my period one year later than others…
We never ever spoke about sex at home. As if it never existed! My father would speak, but my mother was such a barrier, that it was not possible. Once – I remember, she called me and my sister “on talk” while she was ironing in the kitchen. She had such a bad time speaking out. I knew what she was going to say. She was going to tell us about menstruation, that we will get it because we are women. She had such a hard time talking about it… as if she was telling the most horrible things… crimes or something – but it was just about menstruation, which is the most normal thing that “happens” to a woman… (več …)
  • Share/Bookmark

When you give up living

Torek, September 11th, 2012
It is now four and a half years from the time that my last partner dissappeared over night, and four years that I lived here at my mother’s. In this time I haven’t lived really. I lived just… I was married to a computer actually.
I can’t explain, why I don’t work and earn money… I actually worked all the time, I was writing on my blog in Slovenian. There are texts enough to fill three to four books on my blog. But I never got any money for my writings. I was working two years with one girl who was my administrator – I was writing, she had an on-line shop. We had perfect statistics, but then she once
just threw me and my blog out and betrayed me.
So.. I gave up writing in Slovenian. I mean.. I still write a blog in Slovenian, but I don’t write about my life anymore. In the mean time I had three major collapses of my computer, where I didn’t have any computer at all, so the Universe was probably telling me, that I should not be on the computer so much… (več …)
  • Share/Bookmark

My body and being naked I.

Torek, September 11th, 2012
We all have a need for sex, which is actually the same as a need for food and drink. But we soon start to behave like sex is not “really a need” and we don’t ” need that really”, I don’t do that and so on…. I started to be a “sexual” being, when my body started to transform, when I was twelve. I must say, I liked myself very much. I mean… I hated the hair in my armpits and pubic hair. But you can’t see this from the outside, so, I just let it grow. But after my twelfth birthday, my breasts just continued to grow and grow. I had very good taste for clothing and which parts of dresses should be together and so on. I was buying all these beautiful magazines that were available from Italy
at that time. In our shops we had horrible ugly socialist clothes. But we were lucky, cause we lived near Italy and there they have beautiful things to wear. The problem was just that I could only afford myself one piece of clothes. I really wanted to buy myself the whole shop… (več …)
  • Share/Bookmark

My relationships

Torek, September 11th, 2012
In my life I had lots of stages, lots of unbelievable and unpredictable events, lots of relationships and lots of suffering- so I can say that -till my now 50th birthday- I have gone through a lot of horrible situations. As a woman, I noticed that women have a really hard time in this modern world, because they are, many times, left alone with kids. Like I was.
I remember that it was always when I was single or when some tragedy occurred to me (like when my boyfriend died when I was 16)… I just stopped living. I was not living anymore. I died. It’s like… yes, my body lived on, but my soul was dead. I needed lots of effort to make myself live on, especially after a last betrayal, when my man just disappeared.
And is this really what life thought of me…? (več …)
  • Share/Bookmark

Why is my child angry at me? III.

Torek, September 11th, 2012
Iza started a new school year in Ljubljana in September year 2006. She acclimatised quickly to this new environment and didn’t have any problems with the Slovenian language at all although she went to schools only in Austria. But I
always talked to her in our language. And she went to the seaside on vacation with my mother. Actually what I am proud of myself is that after I divorced my husband I never ever forbid my child to see her father or his family. Actually in my case I didn’t change anything. We had totally the same relationship as before when we were married. Just that we were divorced… I actually would like to have more connection with my kids from all people involved, so that it would be easier for me. (več …)
  • Share/Bookmark

Why is my child angry at me II.?

Torek, September 11th, 2012
To my astonishment my second marriage ,which was at the beginning going well, also became an ugly thing after four common years. It starts like that… A couple is at the beginning in love and looks around for good things in each other. Then
children arrive. It becomes hard. People start to quarrel. Maybe there is a mother-in-law in vicinity who wants to “help”. It starts to go downhill. And then people just give up. I know lots of couples that divorced like that, before the children even went to school. Actually, I divorced two times like that…
In my second marriage my oldest daughter was a clear victim… Victim is of course not a good word, but I can’t find a better one. At the beginning her stepfather, my second husband, was nice to her as if she were his own daughter. But when his own kids came and especially when his second kid came it started to be hard, very hard for Iza (nickname of my oldest daughter). He wanted Iza to clean up after her little sister and brother. He never played with her anymore like before. He never gave her his attention like before when she was the only child in our relationship. He started to be rude.
Once he hit her on her face, for no reason at all. She was shocked. I was shocked. He didn’t even apologize. This was the point of no return. I just said to myself: “That’s it. I am going away from him.” (več …)
  • Share/Bookmark

Why is my child angry at me I.

Torek, September 11th, 2012
I can’t tell you how much I wanted to have kids. My need for kids was really strong when I came into my thirties and my long term boyfriend just left me and my sister had had a child. I was just getting mad with desire to have a baby. It was like… if only I could have A baby… everything in my life that was wrong would be OK. It wasn’t. I became that child in a such an easy way that I am still in state of shock. But, as you probably know, getting a baby isn’t just about finding the right person to conceive with. This is just the beginning. This is really just a beginning.
I never met any child and parent that was not in a total bliss when the child is born. And then all mothers go through periods of hard nights without much sleeping, changing nappies in the park, struggling with breastfeeding, then quarrelling with partner – husband, mother, mother in law and so on. You turn around and suddenly this child is already going into Kindergarten. You turn around a second time, he is already in school. (več …)
  • Share/Bookmark

Heart Chakra (part three)

Torek, September 11th, 2012

We looked great. We were like these perfect looking couples…  At least Dorothea said so… Dietrich was Supervisor in the Center. He was  (and still is) a tall guy, very self-aware, cool, he liked to laugh loud and was showing his perfect white teeth whenever he laughed. He was good looking… I was just mad on him. I had a bad consciense first time when we were together, because when I was in Vienna in the Center, I had my boyfriend in Ljubljana. I actually was in love in both of them!  First period, when I was with him together, I never had sex with him, I stayed faithfull to my boyfriend. Allthough we didn’t sleep together, we were actually in love. It was so sweet. And forbidden. When I first time when we were together went back to my “official” boy-friend, I completely forget on Dietrich. We were writing each other letters and that was it. I was still one year together with my “regular” boyfriend Oliver who dumped me and married another in few month. (več …)

  • Share/Bookmark

After Tito – Tito, after Ron – Ron

Torek, September 11th, 2012
When I became a Scientologist in the year 1990, I was shocked by the similarities which I saw between Scientology and Socialism in which I lived since my birth. The first thing I noticed was the cult of personality. All over the place there were photos of L.Ron Hubbard. Just like in mycountry,Yugoslavia, where there were pictures of Tito all over. In the organisations there were only books from Ron. It was actually more horrible than in our socialism, because we had, at least, books of other writers, not just from Tito. Also what jumped into my mind was that Ron was playing “birthdaygame” (which is competing between the orgs, who will have better statistics and was playing the whole year and concluding on 13th of March which is the birthday of Ron). We in Yugoslavia had “Štafeta mladosti” = Relay of youth – wha twas the celebration of Tito’s birthday every May 25th and before this date a baton with a birthdaypledge to Josip Broz Tito crossed all republics inYugoslavia with wishes for our beloved President Tito, who was standing at the stadium in Belgrade on May 25th and accepted the final baton. It was kind of a religious gathering and this day was an official “Day of celebration of the Youth”. (več …)
  • Share/Bookmark

Heart Chakra (part two)

Torek, September 11th, 2012

So… before the year 2005 I need to tell something more about what I did before and what I was doing in Vienna.  OK… my first boyfriend died when I was sixteen. I was totally devastated with his death. I felt guilty because I wasn’t with him ofter in hospital. He died of cancer three month and half after we begun dating. I had no help from anybody and didn’t know how to help myslef. I blamed myself. I was just sixteen, dear God!!!!! OK, somehow I got an idea that his death must have have a deeper meaning for my life, I knew somehow that I have to start seaching where he was gone. I was deeply stamped  with his death. After Tine died, another boyfriend of mine from school died, half year later (in the year 1979), so I was just thinking that everybody who I really liked just die. (več …)

  • Share/Bookmark