Tagane Objave ‘ my words in English’

My body and being naked II.

Torek, September 11th, 2012
I started menstruation when I was fourteen. All the other girls from my class already had it. We had a kind of “sexual class” in a school where one teacher explained about when girls get their period and how a child is conceived. We all already knew about it. I remember, how the girls didn’t believe me, that I didn’t have a period. As it was like… everybody has to get it at the same time!? I was different. I had the biggest breasts and my period one year later than others…
We never ever spoke about sex at home. As if it never existed! My father would speak, but my mother was such a barrier, that it was not possible. Once – I remember, she called me and my sister “on talk” while she was ironing in the kitchen. She had such a bad time speaking out. I knew what she was going to say. She was going to tell us about menstruation, that we will get it because we are women. She had such a hard time talking about it… as if she was telling the most horrible things… crimes or something – but it was just about menstruation, which is the most normal thing that “happens” to a woman… (več …)
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My body and being naked I.

Torek, September 11th, 2012
We all have a need for sex, which is actually the same as a need for food and drink. But we soon start to behave like sex is not “really a need” and we don’t ” need that really”, I don’t do that and so on…. I started to be a “sexual” being, when my body started to transform, when I was twelve. I must say, I liked myself very much. I mean… I hated the hair in my armpits and pubic hair. But you can’t see this from the outside, so, I just let it grow. But after my twelfth birthday, my breasts just continued to grow and grow. I had very good taste for clothing and which parts of dresses should be together and so on. I was buying all these beautiful magazines that were available from Italy
at that time. In our shops we had horrible ugly socialist clothes. But we were lucky, cause we lived near Italy and there they have beautiful things to wear. The problem was just that I could only afford myself one piece of clothes. I really wanted to buy myself the whole shop… (več …)
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My relationships

Torek, September 11th, 2012
In my life I had lots of stages, lots of unbelievable and unpredictable events, lots of relationships and lots of suffering- so I can say that -till my now 50th birthday- I have gone through a lot of horrible situations. As a woman, I noticed that women have a really hard time in this modern world, because they are, many times, left alone with kids. Like I was.
I remember that it was always when I was single or when some tragedy occurred to me (like when my boyfriend died when I was 16)… I just stopped living. I was not living anymore. I died. It’s like… yes, my body lived on, but my soul was dead. I needed lots of effort to make myself live on, especially after a last betrayal, when my man just disappeared.
And is this really what life thought of me…? (več …)
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Why is my child angry at me? III.

Torek, September 11th, 2012
Iza started a new school year in Ljubljana in September year 2006. She acclimatised quickly to this new environment and didn’t have any problems with the Slovenian language at all although she went to schools only in Austria. But I
always talked to her in our language. And she went to the seaside on vacation with my mother. Actually what I am proud of myself is that after I divorced my husband I never ever forbid my child to see her father or his family. Actually in my case I didn’t change anything. We had totally the same relationship as before when we were married. Just that we were divorced… I actually would like to have more connection with my kids from all people involved, so that it would be easier for me. (več …)
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Why is my child angry at me II.?

Torek, September 11th, 2012
To my astonishment my second marriage ,which was at the beginning going well, also became an ugly thing after four common years. It starts like that… A couple is at the beginning in love and looks around for good things in each other. Then
children arrive. It becomes hard. People start to quarrel. Maybe there is a mother-in-law in vicinity who wants to “help”. It starts to go downhill. And then people just give up. I know lots of couples that divorced like that, before the children even went to school. Actually, I divorced two times like that…
In my second marriage my oldest daughter was a clear victim… Victim is of course not a good word, but I can’t find a better one. At the beginning her stepfather, my second husband, was nice to her as if she were his own daughter. But when his own kids came and especially when his second kid came it started to be hard, very hard for Iza (nickname of my oldest daughter). He wanted Iza to clean up after her little sister and brother. He never played with her anymore like before. He never gave her his attention like before when she was the only child in our relationship. He started to be rude.
Once he hit her on her face, for no reason at all. She was shocked. I was shocked. He didn’t even apologize. This was the point of no return. I just said to myself: “That’s it. I am going away from him.” (več …)
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Heart Chakra (part three)

Torek, September 11th, 2012

We looked great. We were like these perfect looking couples…  At least Dorothea said so… Dietrich was Supervisor in the Center. He was  (and still is) a tall guy, very self-aware, cool, he liked to laugh loud and was showing his perfect white teeth whenever he laughed. He was good looking… I was just mad on him. I had a bad consciense first time when we were together, because when I was in Vienna in the Center, I had my boyfriend in Ljubljana. I actually was in love in both of them!  First period, when I was with him together, I never had sex with him, I stayed faithfull to my boyfriend. Allthough we didn’t sleep together, we were actually in love. It was so sweet. And forbidden. When I first time when we were together went back to my “official” boy-friend, I completely forget on Dietrich. We were writing each other letters and that was it. I was still one year together with my “regular” boyfriend Oliver who dumped me and married another in few month. (več …)

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After Tito – Tito, after Ron – Ron

Torek, September 11th, 2012
When I became a Scientologist in the year 1990, I was shocked by the similarities which I saw between Scientology and Socialism in which I lived since my birth. The first thing I noticed was the cult of personality. All over the place there were photos of L.Ron Hubbard. Just like in mycountry,Yugoslavia, where there were pictures of Tito all over. In the organisations there were only books from Ron. It was actually more horrible than in our socialism, because we had, at least, books of other writers, not just from Tito. Also what jumped into my mind was that Ron was playing “birthdaygame” (which is competing between the orgs, who will have better statistics and was playing the whole year and concluding on 13th of March which is the birthday of Ron). We in Yugoslavia had “Štafeta mladosti” = Relay of youth – wha twas the celebration of Tito’s birthday every May 25th and before this date a baton with a birthdaypledge to Josip Broz Tito crossed all republics inYugoslavia with wishes for our beloved President Tito, who was standing at the stadium in Belgrade on May 25th and accepted the final baton. It was kind of a religious gathering and this day was an official “Day of celebration of the Youth”. (več …)
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See of sorrow

Torek, September 11th, 2012

I was a very special child. When I think of my childhood, I was lonely, I didn’t have anybody to speak to. I mean… I was surrounded with lots of people, but nobody really understood what was “wrong” with me. Nor did I. In time they understood, that all they had to do was leave me alone and that I wasn’t like other children.

I was born into a socialist country and when Tito died, people didn’t have anybody else who would help them. I mean… everybody here was just programmed into special thinking. People like me were told that there is no God, there is nobody who can help us. I was so lonely. I didn’t have any friends. The only person who I took care of was my younger sister. (več …)
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Georg

Torek, September 11th, 2012
In January 1994 I went back to Centrum in Vienna . One of my friends paid for me to stay in a hotel for two nights. But then he said that I needed to find my own place to sleep. I signed up for a course there. In the meantime I was asking
people if they knew a place for me to sleep. This was very common for people there, since people from all over the world came and they always slept somewhere at a staff’s home or at student’s (=student is somebody who is on course). Finally one of staff said that I could sleep at his home. He said that he would drive me there after he finished his work, which was after 10 o’clock in the evening. So, I calmed down and I could study the whole day. After 10 o’clock he picked me up and I understood that Georg would also come with us. Georg was somebody who lived outside from Vienna and was obviously staying at my friend’s, when he was in Vienna. I never liked Georg. He was always stinking, he looked like a bum and in talking to him I found out that he was not very clever. But I said… OK. I didn’t have any other choice. So we went. (več …)
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Infatuation

Torek, September 11th, 2012
When I lived in Vienna, I was crazy in love with an American singer who was living and performing in Vienna at the time. Not just that he was an American guy, which was a very cool thing for me… I like Americans a lot. They are so
different to Europeans. They have self-esteem, they are… different, more easy, they speak about their feelings easily. But he was also of Italian origin. Which has unbelievable coolness in one person for me. And more… he was a singer. A good singer. An educated singer. I mean he still is, I hope. Twenty years ago I used to take solo- singing classes. I felt kind of… a singer. I was improving fast. I had two lessons or three lessons per week. I had one “concert” in a house of my then boyfriend. He was playing synth , I was singing… (več …)
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Revolutionaries from my school

Torek, September 11th, 2012
I studied political sciences. I did my diploma on nationalism in the year 1990, one year before my state Yugoslavia broke apart. I actually wanted to study something totally different. I did the audition exams for Actor’s Academy but I didn’t pass the exam. I was so devastated with this that they didn’t accept me to the actor’s school that I just signed up to one school which I really hated. Maybe I did that to punished myself more…
Faculty for political sciencies was something a million sunlight years away from what was really me. I hated school from the first second I signed up to it. But I was going there anyway. To all lectures. Soon I made friends with lots of girls and boys and we became close friends. We actually had such a good time. It was not the lectures… they were dead boring, the time was after Tito died (he died in 1980). Professors were lecturing about socialism, the system which was totalitarian and I intuitively knew that it is not working and that it will sooner or later be over. (več …)
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Kids can get sick when mummy is sad

Torek, September 11th, 2012
I didn’t show my kids how deeply hurt I was when Ivan disappeared from my life. I mean… we talked about that and I told them, that I was sad, but maybe he would come back. We were sometimes praying in the evening before they went to sleep, that he would come back. The little ones never saw him from the time he disappeared, Iza saw him twice in the city. Slowly they started to forget him.
They don’t mention him any more. Now it has been four and half year since he left. He just disappeared. It’s worse than death. When somebody dies he gets a funeral and everybody talks about him. Here there was no death, there
was disappearance of a beloved person, who was the father to my kids. Sometimes I asked myself if we were really together or is this just something I invented myself. For me it was diving into a gap full of pain. And I hide it from the kids that they will not notice it. But they did. (več …)
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Beginning of 1996

Torek, September 11th, 2012

At the beginning of 1996 I lived in Vienna, was married to Dietrich, had a one year old girl and was part of the staff in Centrum again. Recruiters came from the US who wanted people to go on a study programme in the US in order to improve work in the Vienna organisation. Whenever I saw recruiters, I had this split energy and pain in my stomach, because they so want me to be staff and I thought I didn’t want it but in fact I kind of wanted it. I wanted to study in the Centrum because this was the only way I would study Scientology (that means get courses), cause otherwise I didn’t have money.

In 1996 I already knew that scientology was not what I thought it should be but I still wanted to stay inside, mainly to study. My then husband was a supervisor there, we had a small child, so… I thought that with the help of scientology we will make it. (več …)
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About me

Četrtek, Avgust 9th, 2012

I am a natural born writer…

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Universe, I had enough!

Sreda, Junij 27th, 2012

Universe, you heard me. And you know, what I mean. I have enough of pain and actually I am OK with my relationships. I am actually used to be single and now I started to enjoy it.

And you know about money… I need to get some money to buy a house and garden. I ‘lll give you ultimat, OK. Till 27 th. :) )))))))))))))))) Please give me signs, that you heard me! :) ))))))))))) Please, give me guidance!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yours, D.

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Če hočete imeti zlato, ga morate najprej biti sposobni gledati

Nedelja, April 22nd, 2012

http://www.etftrends.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/gold1.jpg

If you want to have gold, you have to be able to watch it first.

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moje misli

Četrtek, December 29th, 2011

The person who didin’t experience the pain of a broken heart has no idea what love is. ~ Dajana Babič

Oseba, ki ni doživela bolečine strtega srca nima pojma o ljubezni.

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Torek, November 15th, 2011

~ I feel intoxicated ~ I feel at ease ~ I feel at peace ~ I feel like flying ~ I feel cool ~ I feel really good ~ when I listen to the music ~

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Ponedeljek, Oktober 31st, 2011

Sex is a mixture of pain and pleasure. If it is more pleasure than pain, then it is OK.

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Nedelja, Oktober 30th, 2011

War is backwards raw.

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Sobota, Oktober 29th, 2011
“War” is in Serbian “rat”. “Sad” are Serbian initials for “USA”.
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Četrtek, Oktober 27th, 2011

~in my blood there is fire~in my head there is light ~in my heart there is love~in my stomach there is passion~ in my soul there is music~

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Sreda, Oktober 26th, 2011
Rain is calming the fire inside my soul.
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Sreda, Oktober 26th, 2011

I am hugging you with my thoughts.

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Torek, Oktober 25th, 2011

Love, embrace me with your sweetness. #sixwords

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Ponedeljek, Oktober 24th, 2011

We are closer with every heartbeat. #sixwords

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..

Nedelja, September 11th, 2011

Sometimes I allow the music to flow inside my veins instead of blood.

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..

Nedelja, September 11th, 2011

Sometimes

I

give

rock

music

so

loud

so

that

I

can’t

hear

my

mind

any

more.

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How music influences me

Nedelja, September 11th, 2011

When I hear good music, I can’t describe that fantastic feeling… It impacts directly my body, my inner organs… Actually I understand what is going, the tones are going frommy  solar plexus into my stomach. I can sense hard rock music in my guts. At the same time… if the music has a rhytm that I like, than I can easily fall into trans, my body starts to turn on a music and fly away with it…

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My son, school and resistance

Nedelja, September 11th, 2011

I have three kids, two girls and a boy. I never ever ever ever had problems with girls in a school. Although first one did five classes in Vienna, Austria and when she came into Slovenian school thereafter she never ever had problems because of a totally new environment and language. Actually both were more intelligent than average and I talked to teachers to put them in classes ahead, but then I just leave them in their generation. My oldest has a photographical memory and she can see once notes or text of a song (she is a singer too) and she already knows the text. My second daughter is also very talented, speaks three languages, she loves to read books, and she learnes Chinaese in school nad she can draw amazing pictures.

(več …)

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